Double face of Love

Sometimes really think relationship is something gd or bad. Everything tt is happening now is so different frm e past. If only time wont passes so fast. Getting in relationship is a tiring thing. My thinking really changed alot. Used to be naive believing tt relationship is juz like fairy tales. Everything will end wid 'Happily Ever After'. However it is juz so different in reality. Is really hard being a good girlfriend. Or maybe i shld put 'for me'. Seen e both faces of relationship. Noe wat they mean by 'heart ache'. Noe how it feels when lovers becomes enemies & lovers becomes strangers. In relationship, e happiness cant be measured & described, e sadness is also cant be measured & described.

End of Jan 2007

juz cried. hate this feeling. don seems to understand why problems don seems to solve. u noe how horrible things get when lovers becomes enemies? i juz donno ow to say. e type of hurt is cant be describe. i used to think tt love is e most beautiful thing on Earth. bt now i don agree wid tt. now i finally noe why some of my friends behave this way. now, i will learn to take things lightly. there's no everlasting love.

my sis's bf juz brought over a big bag of prawns for us cuz he went to catch prawn juz now and a lady gave him. u noe wat, e prawn is alive. when my mom picked e prawn up, it suddenly moved. both of us were shouting. Pinkie was shocked too. my dad place one on e floor to scare Pinkie and her reaction was so funny. juz like a kid. is 11:42pm rite now and my aunt and sis are steaming e prawn. i wanna eat bt is too late. tmr im going jogging. missed e feeling of sweating and i love e feeling aft exercising.

today's moon is very round and bright. e 'pattern' in e moon is also very clear and nice. i started thinking how big is e moon? it seems so big and bright frm here. it muz be bigger in actual size. *wow* u can see in e pic tt a portion of e sea is abit bright. it is actually caued bt e moon. *wow*

erm mayb it cant be seen here.

ytd started studying psychology. tmr waking up to study early in e morning. u noe wat, psychology is nt so bad aft all. is very interesting especially reading e txbk. theres lots of experiment. is interesting.

fell in love wid te-tarik

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Lonely Week

This whole wk has been a very busy wk. Rushing all reports, presentation and test. Phew everything is goin to be over. This coming Monday nd to hand up 2 more reports. This coming sat having psychology test! Shit! I don even have time to study! And our psychology project going to pass up soon. There's so much to do. I still haven edit our video and we nd to prepare presentation.

On thurs we went IMH. E trip was actually alrd. Qing Ying and i was rushing to e buffet aft a talk in e theatre. We are e first to grab e food cuz e rest was so shy to open e cover. In e end Feng Xun helped us open. Shaun (Jerene isit this 'Shaun'?) said he tot tt im Malaysian in e beginning. Im like damn short when standing beside him and Feng Xun and he laughed at me cuz my height is juz nice to let him rest. While we were waiting for e bus, e Shaun told me a ghost story which is nt true, bt is quite scary. Due to e lack of seats. Qing Ying, her friend, Pei Shi and me nd to squeeze 2 bus seats back to sch.

Sometimes really donno wat to do... Somethings juz cant be explained.

These are e pic we took this wk:

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Aft Open House!

So happy tt i joined iguides!!! Is damn fun and all e ppl there are so nice and friendly. Not even one tt i dislike. Love all e cheers, mass dances at e end of each day and JAM & HOP!!! Nv regret going, only regretted tt i left early. Everyone was juz dancing and shouting abt. Is a good form of exercise. Reali sweat alot. Everyone so smelly dancing together. Bt is fun! Especially e i-guides dance where e guy will stand like rite behind u and u r so smelly. Is kind of embarrassing. Bt no choice, everyone stinks at e end of each day.

Oh ya first day i was e school guides for my sec sch Loyang. Met Mr Azman, which still like to tease me now, and 林老师! Oh ya Lu Lu came to talk to me. She asked me how i feel aft watching The Arena our sch won RI. As usual she's so 'proud'.

Met lots of ppl during these few days cuz everyone juz talk to each other eventhough we donno one another. Some of them till now i don even noe their names. One of e nicest gal ive met is xin yi. Is nt my class tt Xin yi. This Xin Yi is much more better!

And nt forgetting EUNICE TUNG!!! hahaha. Tt crazy gal. She was my partner during e packing day too. So happy for her tt she won e big prize (if im nt wrong) a samsung mp3 player! She even called me to tell me e gd news.

Bt tt's lots of things now waiting for me to do!!!

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wish me a happy new yr

First day of e yr went Feng Xun hse do psychology project. E whole process was fun. Poor Feng Xun have to act as e grandfather. He has to stuff towel inside his 'ah pek' shirt and pour powder all over his head. E gals was busy talking abt TP handsome guys. And one of them which Qing Ying showed us was cute. Love them! Luck my first day of e yr was happy bcuz of them. Prevent me frm thinkin unhappy things.

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Incident in MRT

Early in e morning went down Orchard's starbucks to do marketing project. It only lasted for awhile. Ard 11 plus we decided to walk ard instead of sitting there as Syaz nd to buy smth for her friend. Went Taka and bought a top frm Mango. Luv tt top. Actually wanted to buy another one too bt don reali wanna use so much money today so juz get one first. They are still havin sales therefore i bought it for 23 bucks. Nxt we went to walk ard in Wisma. Aisha left first followed by Syaz. Together wid Zhao Pei & Xin yi, we went to have lunch at Food Republic! *Yummy*

Aft lunch, Xin Yi & i went Bugis to meet Jerene & Sharon to buy Stacey's Bday present.

When we were in e MRT to get home, there's an old grandfather standing beside us and we are standing infront of e 2 seats there are together. 2 MALE TEENAGERS were sitting there. One was busy playin PSP and e other was pretending to slp when he saw e grandfather came in and is standing infront of them. E guy playing PSP is reali too much! Aft playing for awhile, he looked up at e grandfather and continued playing. Everyone there was staring at them and saying why are they like tt cuz e grandfather is reali very old. Sharon, Jerene and Xin yi was not standing very close to me bt we are all staring at them. I pointed at e sign opposite tt says 'Please offer this seat to someone who need it more than you' and said 'Hey Sharon, how to read tt?'
E guy pretending to slp heard us saying all these, so aft quite a few station, he stand and give e seat to e grandfather!

*Humph* wat type of guys are they? Especially e one playing PSP. Is totally too much.

Dear will be back tmr bt i donno wat time! He nv msg me today cuz he cant use his phone and ytd he msg me by using his friend's phone. Bt im a bit angry lah. Will start thinking muz be play till forget abt me! #%!^@#$% . I was waiting for him to contact me e whole day! Damn it! k, i noe i have a very bad temper. Scare when he come back will argue wid him like : ''Why nv call me?'' , ''Enjoying urself there huh!?'' , ''Muz be forget abt me''.....

Haiz tmr doing Psychology project and one of e member is MIA. We nd everyone to be present in order to film e advertisement. Shit. Think nd 2 or 3 days to finish it. *ARGHHH*
Damn it lah, nd to think of CDS again. Don have any idea wat to choose. Juz want one sub tt is very easy to study and score. My grades for this term will surely be pulled down due to tt stupid Psychology.

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1st Day

Morning Dear came to my hse to pass my parents a box of chocolate as Christmas present. Love e chocolate. He's goin Bintan today till 27th. He promised to take e earliest ferry back bt e agency said e earliest is 5 plus pm ferry! What The ... Hell!

Reali miss him alot...

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Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas. Bt i will not say is a Merry Christmas so there's nth to be happy abt for this yr.

Ytd is e first time i met Dear's family. Is not only his parents, is his WHOLE FAMILY and this is also e first time im meeting his parents. Was so nervous. Nervous till i don even noe wat im saying. Bt overall it was ok. *Phew* . My first present was frm his parents and i reali like it very much. Is a musical jewellery box. I wanted to buy a musical box very long ago bt cant find e one i want cuz either it is not nice or e music is too common. The music of this musical box is very nice. Actually is not a box. Is a 'Piano'. There's leg for it too. Cool

Speechless

finally noe how bad i am...

finally noe how cold it is at nite...

Happy Bday Charmian

Ytd was a tiring day. Actually had a date wid Darling Cloudy bt was Charmian's Bday, therefore Cloud ask me to join in e surprise which Charmian's Bf planned for her. I think she really embarrassed herself infront of e public at Suntec. She nd to complete certain task at each station to get e clue to e nxt station. Aft e whole game, everyone played a game which is to use 5 bucks to buy as many things as possible in Carrefour. We are suppose to eat wat e opposite team bought. Our grp suppose to b e winner bt it seems tt we are e loser team. We had to force ourself to eat tomato, bitter gourd, a big packet of tt square biscuit and 5.5 litres of water!

Cloud and i left first cuz we are meeting Robin and Samson for dinner. Suppose to meet Robin at 5 plus bt he was late. He came ard 7 plus and Samson left first to play basketball. When we meet Robin, e 3 of us was so hungry. We had Yushinoya for dinner and Cloud added 1 more buck for extra rice.

Aft dinner, we went Coffee Bean to meet Samson again.

Cloud and Robin was so bad, they try to imitate how ppl pose when taking photo.

there's more to come... waiting for Cloud to sent me e pic.

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Happenings

Monday went Orchard Christmas Shopping wid Dear. Actually wanted to do it on Fri, straight aft my last paper bt was feeling reali sick due to food poisoning. Took cab continuously for 2 days back and forth.

Monday Christmas Shopping: Only managed to bought Dear's parents gift. I'm sharing wid him. Still have no idea wat to get for my parents. Muz get smth meaningful. Haiz hate this so much. Every yr I'm e one thinking and my sis juz do nth. Dear pass me smth which i like very much. Is our 1 yr 3rd mth anniversary gift.

Today went to watch 'Open Season' wid Dear at Century Square first and went IKEA aft tt. Bought myself e big box to keep all my books. 2 for 4 bucks.

Not forgetting on 8 Dec was my xiao shu's wedding. Rushed back home frm sch to change so tt can reach there early to help out wid e reception wid my sis n auntie. Lots of NYP lectures was also there. E place is awesome too! Love e place so much! Finally gt a chance to wear e necklace Vikrum bought for me during one of my Bday!

these are some of e pics taken. some of them r in my friendster too:

He's angry wid her!

Tt day Xinyi told me something tt reali surprise me. She said im a good gf. Xin yi who always say i did smth wrong to my bf is telling me this. No choice.

Bt one thing i wanna clarify is tt Dear is really angry wid e person. He juz don wanna tell her.

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Love is Blind

Hey guys, juz wanna inform u guys everything is ok now. Srry for worring for me these few days.

I acually willing to give him many chances. Juz cant live without him. Bt i wanna set e rules here, this is e last chance.

Actually met him juz now to return each other our things. He said he juz cant forgive himself. He's being lying to me. He don wanna me to forgive him also. I cant forgive and forget everything again eventhough it still hurts me. I really hate to think back wat happened. Bt i believe his reasons.

Some of you might think im silly, bt this is wat love is. Love is Blind. I really believe. Im juz so silly when it comes to love.

Is there ways to sell Bintan tics to others?

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Trust & Honesty. Noe e limits

Felt so stupid. In e end he still chooses his friends den me. I was juz asking e ques and see wat his ans will be. If i die die don wanna break den he will choose me. This is so stupid. Aft doing so many things.

Worrying abt he's so called "DB" camp. And also.. Nvm.. He's nt in DB camp. Even aft e fact tt i told him only tt Friday i will end early and tt's e only time we can go out. Once he come back, we cant meet at all cuz examz is ard e corner. He still choose to continue e lie.

Do u have any idea how terrible i felt at tt period of time. Im really tire taking care of e hse. Juz hope tt he's there for me. Tell myself nvm he's at DB camp. I was so excited to wait for him to come back.

Didnt sleep ytd. Don understand y such a small request also cant be done. Nv tot tt he will lie to me so much and is bcuz of friends.

Juz say im narrow minded or watever. I juz cant accept wat he is doing when e fact is he told me nt to do tt myself and i juz cant accept e fact tt he said if i cant accept his friends den tt's over... I hate to see another gal feeding my bf right infront of me or anything else tt it shld b wat im doing. I don care how strong is e relationship. Bt plz respect e gf. Don compare me wid others' gf. Im diff. Wat if i do e same thing to other guys? I noe he don like so i didnt do. If nt, i will also be hugging my guys friends whenever i saw them. To me is a form of greetings tt i don mind. Bt i noe he wont feel gd seeing me like this. I juz hate to share thing. Im selfish and stubborn.

Pet, he don even have time for me so how can he go out wid u guys? We are both busy wid his re-taking of maths paper. I was so worried. Eventhough he nv spent time wid me i wont mind. Is only recently tt he is free back. I only can meet him once or twice a wk, and is for a short duration. If he have no time for me and he have time for u guys tt's really too much rite?

How can i trust relationship again? Don even noe how to continue living...

However, Im worried for his studies.

The End

I'm Single. Y cant he juz do a simple thing for me. At least try. Bt he didnt. He dont even wanna try. Tt's all i can say. Aft crying for 4 days. It finally came to e end.

Guys don be shocked. Im shocked too. Sometimes things juz isnt e way u think it is. We really treat this relationship seriously. Our goal is to get married. We had alrd planned e future. Things juz became like this. Really felt hurt. Cant be describe. Aft all 1 yr plus of relationship and i was hoping it culd last forever.

I don wanna have relationship anymore. Tire of searching high and low and in e end everything is back to square 1.

Donno wat to say. Bt nv felt so hurt and lost before. Really a big fall for me.

one more chance / say goodbye?

Ytd nite was very terrible. Felt lost. Cry all e way till i fell asleep.

Today wake up without a direction. Was controlling my tears. Trying very hard not to think. Forced myself to read my notes.

Only when Jerene ask 'how was it?' i really cant take it anymore. This is e first time i cry infront of them. Everyone was stunned.

The person whom i love e most is nt really e person. So who is e person i loved for so long?
I tot it was suppose to belong only to e both of us. I don allow anyone to share it. To be silly enough, i tot he think e same way. Bt he doesnt. I really hate tt. Since he only thinks tt they are e only one tt care for him, den forget it.

I was silly enough to plan e future. He gave me hope and goals, and he destroy it. Bringing me up to heaven, and pushing me down. Now i really don have any plans.

I may be strong in doing projects or other things. Bt when it comes to relationship, i cant handle. I wont bear to leave. Saying 'this is e last chance' for many times. How?

Crying

It seems tt im ok bt actually im not. Whenever im alone will start thinking and tears filled my eyes again.

i Cried

Things seems so wrong when i tot everything will turnout gd. Cried alot today. Tears juz keep falling down. Nvm, atleast something is good. My waterproof eyeliner. Atleast still look pretty when crying.

Early Friday morning heard frm my mom tt my cousin is gettin' married due to some reason. So shock by e news. Surprisingly my family accepted it as a gd news. Juz give them all our blessin's. :)

Think goin' to slp early today. Don feel like doin' homework. Mayb culd wake up early tmr n get it done.

Misses Dear so much. He's now at Pula Ubin. Feel like msgin' or callin' him bt don wanna disturb him cuz mayb he's busy now.

Oh ya saw Shafiee at e bus stop today ya.

Dinner aft COL 2005

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Nice Weather For tmr Plz

Juz now or shld i say ytd? Psychology tut was as usual so funny. At e end of e class, each grp nd to have a representative out to act out some emotion and we have to guess. Our grp sent Feng Xun up and was so funny. We knew wat he was acting bt we didnt want to say out e ans so tt he will continue acting. We did it on purpose. E whole scene was so funny and worst still, ppl frm other grp juz kept quiet not wanting to guess cuz they tot our grp will say out e ans. Poor Feng Xun juz have to continue acting. Was really funny.

My family came back today ard 9 plus. So far only received a bag & a belt. E belt is frm my Malaysia cousin. Nt very close wid them bt they are very nice. So disappointed wid only these two.

Tmr Dear is going to Pula Ubin for his camp till Sat. Hope tmr wont rain and not too hot. Pray hard tt everything will goes out smoothly for him.

Oh ya, this is my first blog for this mth! Hope tt everything is smoothly for me this mth too!

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